So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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