I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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