Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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