I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You left your phone here
Wait...
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