you're like a bully in the Christmas story
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
