We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
