is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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