i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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