If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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