ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Please don't give away my fajitas
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
