I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
