too bad you live with your parents still
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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