Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I intend to get homeless drunk
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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