I will die if light touches me.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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