I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
