why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
