i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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