i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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