Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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