she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
