These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
