just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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