did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
