I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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