genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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