Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
