I heard we made out
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I think my moral compass just broke
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