she was so not down for the gang bang
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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