Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
