Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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