Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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