Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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