Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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