6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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