i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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