Whod you bang
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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