I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
