i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
