thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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