id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I don't deserve a penis
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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