I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize