Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
