This girl is more easily done than said...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
