dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Alive.
So much puke
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
