saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
