They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
