My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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