I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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