I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
