i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
