Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I want to have your abortion
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
