"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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