Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
