She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
