well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Randomize
