just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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