i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
