No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
