rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm too high and old for this...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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