If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
