I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
