I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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