So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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