I don't usually arrange sex via text message
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
