Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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