god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
