I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
