i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
