Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
