"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
