They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
