dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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