Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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