On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
