If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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