kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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