All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just gift wrapped bread.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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