There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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