That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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